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  • Writer's pictureKaren O'Moore

Fear vs Love

The mask I am wearing right now is the one named ‘Fear’. Oh I love to think of myself as a tough chick who has overcome such banalities, and I say that I do not fear death, so what else is there to fear. But behind this mask, is awareness. I feel the mask. It puzzles me that it is there. After all, hadn’t I smashed the myriad of masks I had painstaking collected over the years? There is the awareness that there have been a couple of choices I have made that were done from a place of fear. And there is fear in that alone.

Are we even aware of how much fear shapes us, our lives, and our surroundings? I have had many an intense discussion on one of my points of view. My heart tells me that every single soul on this planet is Love. A peace activist, a murderer – both are inherently love. Yes, you can see why it ends up in an intense discussion. We are not born peace activists or murderers. We are not born mothers, fathers, sisters or brothers. We are not born Catholic, Christian, Muslim or Hindu. We are not born engineers, doctors, students or teachers. These are roles and labels we pick up & drop at some stage during our lives. But, we are all born as pure love. Fear is in the mind, but it is this fear that drives us to make choices that are harmful to ourselves or others. Fear of not having any food for yet another day might drive a person to choose to steal. Fear of being rejected and unloved might cause someone to harm another. Fear of being alone, might keep someone in an abusive relationship. But sate the hunger, love and respect each other and the fear will have nothing to hold on to. Sounds pretty simplistic & yes it is wishful thinking that all the fear/hurt/anger can be shattered in a heartbeat, but the bottom line is, take away the fear, the labels, and underneath, at our very core, we are all the same.

Even closer to our own lives though, how does fear affect us? Fear gives birth to ego. Our egos project a false nature of ourselves. It is a role we play and it is fed by fear. It is like a coat of armour & it stops us from taking responsibility for our choices. We use our ego as protection. Yet in lying, in not taking responsibility, or finding words to justify anything we do, where does that leave us? In living a life in fear & ego we become disconnected. That coat of armour we thought was protecting us, instead builds a barrier between us & others and life isn’t enjoyed to its full richness and potential.

Many years ago I lived my life and my relationships with jealousy, possessiveness and attachment. Every one of those birthed from insane fear. A fear that had no validation and also a fear that had no understanding. Without awareness & understanding, fear grows and will keep resurfacing no matter how many times we try to bury it. We put so much undue pressure on our relationships because of jealousy. Fear of being alone. Fear of failure, of being judged. Fear or not being good enough. For me it really was a tiny little light bulb moment that broke me from its chains, but a tiny moment that was powerful & had such a huge impact on my life and my relationships – from my lover to my children, to strangers I might meet. And it all comes back to Love. That beautiful word, ‘Love’. So much more than a word. A way of being. By seeing & accepting ourselves fully & giving ourselves all the love we deserve, we can then only hold love for others. We do not own or possess another person. That each of us is loved and happy is what matters. Stay in the present, enjoy love with no fear. If my partner no longer chooses to be with me, or vice versa, that will not change my love for him. Nor my love for myself. In each moment, you simply love. You become love. And that is all there is. There is no fear there.

And when we arrive in that exquisite space we no longer have fear holding us back from receiving love. Fear binds us and stops us from blossoming and experiencing all that life has to offer. Masks stop us from feeling the warmth of the sun on our face, the caress of a breeze. Are we making choices from the heart or from fear? Are we turning down delicious possibilities because we fear the unknown? The breath, the very essence of life, lies in the unknown. What are we afraid of? Is there any substance to it? I am not saying that we should be taking chances that put over very lives at risk, but before we put on that mask, ask ourselves where the fear is coming from and before we make a choice, ask if we are feeding that fear. Every moment brings with it innumerable choices & possibilities. Do not make them in fear. Living in our hearts, with awareness, with Love, beats fear hands down every time!

Karen O'Moore March 2013

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