A side order of intimacy please..

 

Our lives have become focused on achieving. Achieving the top rung on the ladder, that platinum card, that 400 horsepower purring in the driveway, that sexy pair of Manolo Blahniks. And yes, achieving that orgasm. Multiple ones. Isn't that what Cosmo tells us to do? In as short a time period as possible, because after all, we still need to get some sleep to work on those abs at 5 in the morning.

 

How much intimacy have you savoured lately? With your partner? With yourself?

 

Intimacy is the glue that binds the building blocks of our relationships. It creates strength and security, deepens love & compassion. Take some time to cultivate intimacy by creating a sacred space with your partner, then sitting opposite each other, fall into gentle eye gazing. Begin to breathe in synchronicity, strip away the masks. be bare, open and reconnect heart to heart.

 

In Tantra, awareness is the key to intimacy. Tantra says stop, slow down. Breathe a little deeper, a little slower than you are right now. The deeper you breathe, the more your body relaxes. The more you relax, the deeper you are able to breathe. In that moment, you feel more, become more aware and you move away from achieving and focus more on being. You become intimate. With those you love, with the stranger passing in the street, with your morning cup of tea. In the banquet of all that Tantra offers, intimacy expands and sexuality awakens

 

This article can be found in the March '13 issue of Positive Life

 

 

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A Tantric Awakening

 

Many people begin their journey in the enticing world of Tantra because of sex. Mine did as well. Not because I wasn’t getting enough of it, but because my partner at the time was getting more than I was aware of. One afternoon I walked in on him unexpectedly exploring someone else’s anatomy. My coping mechanism was to live in each moment. Not to think of the day before and how my stomach seemed to drop the moment I saw them, or to wonder about tomorrow, living a life that had changed direction, but to simply be in each present moment. At the time it was a case of the ‘ostrich syndrome’, putting my head in the sand with my derriere swaying in the air, but it was my first step on a journey that has changed and enriched my life. And many times it has brought me to tears.

 

There are many paths we can choose in our lifetimes. Some touch you like the gentle summer rain. Is has been said that Tantra is the wild thunderstorm. She churns in her intensity, bringing destruction and bliss. Tantra is like a wild tiger mother – approach her in love, in truth and with integrity and she will nurture you at her breast. Turn to her in greed and she will rip apart your body, feast on your mind and leave you crying in grief for the wounds that have been exposed. The wounds you have carefully ignored.

 

Tantra is weaving, expanding, and being fully aware of ourselves. Being fully aware of the consequence of every action, every thought, and every choice. And in how those actions, thoughts, choices, affect who we are and those around us. Looking honestly at yourself and the reasons why you make certain choices. By saying this in one way, am I hoping to manipulate an answer to one I want to hear? If I do this, will I be perceived as more loveable? What is my response or reaction to words or actions that trigger something in me? Not only being authentic in who you are with others, but more importantly, being open to yourself, being brave enough to face yourself and being loving enough not to judge what you may find there.

 

To expand, we must let go of attachment. We are inherently habitual creatures. Some of our habits and patterns are positive. But they also bind us in a place. There have been many times when I have held onto my attachment of how my relationships should be and my perception of how I wanted my life to be. But we lose our free will and we become controlled by them. When we finally grasp non-attachment to a partner, we open ourselves up to more love and acceptance. When we gain such freedom, remove any boxes society & ourselves confine us to, we are fearless and we expand. And the universe opens us to a multitude of possibilities.

 

An aspect of Tantra involves having the experience of touch. When I experience that deep contact with myself, with everything, including the universe, in the stillness of my mind, unexpectedly I find my heart opening, feeling a breeze move through me that is fresh & renewing. When you touch totally, you no longer need to let go. You simply do. And in that very moment, healing begins. We all are spiritual, psychological, emotional and sensual beings and working with our sexual energy allows us to touch both our body and emotions to clear blockages through our energy channels. Our sexual energy is one of the strongest forms of physical energy; simply, it is nature’s inherent way of ensuring our survival. We can use this energy to gently release negativity, pain, trauma and experiences that we store in the cells of our bodies, allowing us to expand in every aspect of our lives - personal, emotional, relationships, spiritual and sexually. This commanding energy that makes me wonder each time if I have ever taken a breath so fully and immersed before.

 

Tantric practice includes controlling and transforming bodily energies and we can do this through meditation and breathwork. This allows energy to move and we release things we don’t even realise we were hanging on to. When we begin to free ourselves from the preoccupation of seeing ourselves as a single star, but take a step back and appreciate the beauty & vastness of the galaxy, the weave of stars and dust. With every meditation, a greater feeling of freedom and awareness arises. Moving past resisting change. Moving past the resistance of facing the truth of our lives. When we choose to live instead of exist. When we choose to heal. Active Kundalini meditation is the process of witnessing while being engaged in activity, helping to release stress, rebalance the mind and body bringing about physical and mental relaxation. It aids in suspending the rational mind and allows the natural self to begin to emerge and rather than repressing negative emotions like attachment, they are transformed into positive energy.

 

Yes, Tantra is the union of sex and meditation, being in the present moment, accepting sex in its totality, relaxing into lovemaking and expanding the capacity for pleasure, but it is also is about connection. About giving oneself permission to access your authentic self that too often is buried, the sensitive and sensual gentle nature. It is about both opening to receive pleasure and accepting ones physical and emotional feelings in their entirety. It is also challenging in that in experiencing it, you open to life, which many do not do. Many think that Tantra is limited to the bedroom and to sexual prowess but while accessing sexual energy is core to Tantra, it is about opening to life itself.

 

This article can be found in the Sept/Oct '12 issue of Natural Connections Holistic Magazine