"When you are making love don't control. Go into uncontrol, go into chaos. It will be fearful, frightening, because it will be a kind of death. And the mind will say "Control!" And the mind will say, "Jump in and keep control, otherwise you will be lost in the abyss of it." Don't listen to the mind, get lost. Abandon yourself utterly and without any technique you will come to see a timeless experience. There will be no two in it: oneness. A consciousness will be there, a lucid passive consciousness will be there, you will know what is happening because you will be fully aware. But you will not be there; awareness will be there.
"You have to imbibe the Tantra spirit – it is not a technique to be learned."
Osho
Connection, vulnerability and an open heart are key to touching a woman so deep that every part of her, blossoms and opens to you. And ask any woman and she will tell you that foreplay begins long before the caress of your lips on hers.
Many times what a man thinks turns his partner on, is actually turning her off. As a result of these misconceptions, many women are not satisfied with their sex lives, finding them unfulfilling for a number of reasons. This doesn't happen at the beginning of a relationship, but after a period of time, many women report that dissatisfaction has become the norm. Her body gradually closes down and a general disinterest and disappointment in sex begins to creep in. Sound familiar? So how do we get back on the path to her body experiencing deep, rich, satisfying orgasms.
Make her feel beautiful. Compliment the beauty of her soul. Stop, look into her eyes and tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Be there with her. Melt her heart. Be giving with words and touch. Be intimate, with your emotions and even in making her a cup of tea. Be thoughtful, in both deeds and desires. Seduce her away from her everyday life. Excite her. Ignite her.
And you ignite her with a slow touch. Honouring and loving every delicious inch of her body. Feeling and tasting the amazing bouquet in front of you. As if this was the only, most amazing body you have ever touched. Her breasts have the power to bring her to the deepest of orgasmic experiences. Touch her breasts with love and awe. Be gentle. Unfortunately many women experience a lack of sensation in her breasts as sensitivity has waned. Light, caressing touches have an effect of expanding and bringing tingling sensation.
In every Sacred Tantra Healing Couples Massage session, the male partner has always expressed surprise at how slow and gentle I am in the early stages of giving a Yoni massage. A yoni is the most beautiful flower to behold. And like a flower, she takes time to open each layer of petals (there are many), to reveal herself and all she has to offer.
Encourage your partner to breathe deeply. This is one of the biggest sexual pleasure secrets. And use lubricant - no matter how wet she gets, natural lubricant comes and goes. If you believe you are going slow, go slower. If you believe you are spending a lot of time on foreplay, spend more. Brush up on your knowledge of a woman's anatomy and explore, tantalize each and every fold. Go very slowly, taking in every flavour. There is no need to hurry. There is plenty of time. And give her the time, give her the trust to open up to you. And when she does, ask if you may penetrate her.
Stop worrying about what you are doing, getting 'it right'. Making love happens; it is not a thing you do. There is no need to do anything in particular: just be loving and available. And keep that connection open. Keep looking into her eyes, feeling her heart. Always being present. Allow your energies to harmonize, to dance. Think rocking, rather than thrusting. If you feel yourself being drawn to ejaculation, make your movements slower. Pause in stillness and feel each other. This is a powerful way to connect, looking into each others eyes, accepting the love of her heart into yours. Forget about the orgasm. Rather be in a relaxed state and relax into each other. If nothing happens then there is no need for anything to happen. Orgasm is not a box to be ticked off every day. Then you can enjoy making love for half an hour, an hour, just relaxing into each other. Melting and experiencing the journey.
Technical knowhow are not going to give you both a better experience of sex. The presence, the connection and the vulnerability you bring to it brings a wide range of sexual expression - from soft to hard. Although many women would probably never admit it, they love getting down and dirty between the sheets, fast and furious on the bathroom floor, and slow and comfortable up against the wall. This beautiful play of energy between you is like music that can be played at different volumes. The main thing is breaking old habits. Moving past using her for sexual release. Slowing down. Orgasm and ecstasy occur in a relaxed state - your body wants to relax into love. As you develop an awareness of your own body, your experience touching hers will deepen and become richer.
Making love, becomes just that. In Tantra you can live in orgasm twenty-four hours a day, because your energy becomes orgasmic.
Karen O'Moore September 2014