One of the greatest gifts we can give is Touch, it is a powerful way for lovers to communicate feelings, especially when touched with sensitivity, awareness and Love. Sensual or erotic touch serves to awaken and connect us to the largest of our organs: the skin and does so on every part of our body. It brings our mind into contact with physical reality, sends messages and pleasure signals back and forwards and forms the point at which two become one. When the receiver allows themselves simply to enjoy the experience, the giver simply loses themselves in the moment to the touch and both are creating, nourishing and discovering each other and themselves. Such a conscious loving touch can be incredibly healing as well as incredibly bonding and heart opening. There is no need to be a fully trained massage therapist or have an in depth knowledge of skills: it is about the presence and awareness you bring to the touch and especially into the hands and fingers, the point of contact between the two of you.
Unfortunately though, we live in a society where we are not taught to touch in any meaningful sense, though as children we had this ability, it has been lost in many instances. Further for many, the words sensual or erotic have loaded meanings: the prelude to sex or focus on the genitals, orgasm and release. When these expectations are removed and sex and genital touch are optional or taken off the table altogether, then the power of sensual touch in intimacy and pleasure shines forth.
In Tantra the use of ritual encourages the spiritual element and creates a sense of relaxation, reverence and honouring that enhances the experience. The zone is created for exploration of the physical and a forum where open and effective communication around likes and dislikes, boundaries and expectations can occur before commencing the massage which enriches and deepens the experience. While people often say that spontaneity is important, it is worth noting the adage that “Spontaneity takes planning”. Having everything prepared: lubricants, oils, food, drink for example, along with checking in with your partner on where they are now, what they desire and the boundaries you both have, before commencing allows the whole experience to flow smoothly. There are many Tantric techniques that can be used to create connection and openness before the sensual massage takes place and these set the scenes for wonderfully intimate and beautiful experiences. In addition to the tantric connection techniques, we facilitate many forms of massage for couples in our programme: sensual body massage, sensual chakra massage and synchronisation of the breathing with touch are examples. While the presence and awareness you bring to the sensual massage is important, there are specific types of strokes that we teach you to use along with the part of your hands or fingers work the best in any given situation. The depth and pressure of the touch can create different sensations leading to different experiences and the speed with which the massage is delivered is an important factor. It is a constant surprise to people who come to us, just how slow a slowly delivered massage actually is and just how sensitive the skin is to the pressure of the touch and especially when the sensual massage includes, but does not focus, on the primary, secondary and tertiary erogenous zones found all over the body. Taking the holistic approach to sensual and erotic massage, as we teach couples, brings a depth of intimacy, rejuvenation, healing, bonding and love that is hard to quantify. It can reframe your relationship and how you view sex, open you to the natural energetic flow within your body and between you both and increase your potential for ecstasy and bliss.
Mark Sutton December 2014