• Karen O'Moore

Loving a soft penis (for men & women)

An erection cannot be forced. In fact it is exactly the opposite. Every man knows that when he tries to force an erection or even wish for one, it will be as out of reach to him as Scarlett Johansson. The more an erection is 'demanded', the further into the distance it will recede. Fear and erections simply do not go together.

Erection is definitely possible without stimulation when a man begins to trust his penis but generally he requires both external stimulation and internal receptiveness. It is only when a man is relaxed and feeling comfortable with his partner that he can begin to feel sexually stimulated by awakening his different senses. These impulses act as a stimulus for the nervous system and the erotic centres, causing the brain to release the hormones that the parasympathetic nervous system needs to become active.

The parasympathetic nervous system slows breathing and heart beat and becomes active as we become quiet, amplifying a man's state of relaxation. When he is relaxed in this way, the 'inflow arteries' of the penis are able to open, releasing blood into the erectile tissue. This increased blood flow also exerts pressure on the veins in the penis virtually closing them off so that the blood does not flow out. This increases the volume of erectile tissue by three to four times, and the penis becomes erect.

But what about those times when there simply is no erection? Any sexual problem is likely to cause insecurities in men, but nothing makes a man panic like the loss of his erection.

When a man feels he can show himself as he is, and that he will find acceptance whatever happens, chances are that the psychological issues connected to his erectile dysfunction will resolve themselves. There are of course, men who will still have problems achieving or maintaining an erection, either for physical reasons, age related reasons or for reasons that remain unknown.

The bottom line however, there is no reason why a couple should not be able to enjoy each other with love, desire and deep erection. As with premature ejaculation, the goal is not an erection, but mutual enjoyment. The ways of giving pleasure to your partner are unlimited and do not require an erection. Remember that desire and arousal do not equal an erection. Your partner can be fully aroused without one so please do not ever take this as indicating that your lover does not desire you.

What is required is full presence and awareness. Being with your partner in each moment. Eyes open, connecting and talking to each other asking if they are enjoying your touch or would prefer something else. Always moving away from trying to force an erection or orgasm. Simply enjoying the intimacy together (And this is also for men spending time self pleasuring)

Fingertips. Unless your partner prefers a harder grip, you should approach the soft penis with the gentlest of touches. One way to do this is to use only your fingertips at first. Pay attention to what happens as you pet, stroke and tap different parts of the penis and scrotum. Notice how some parts feel firmer and other parts feel squishier. Begin to explore this beautiful part of the body rather than fall into a habitual up and down movement.

Cupping. Some people like the feeling of being cupped or contained. Large or small, the nice thing about a soft penis is that it's malleable and easy to fit in one or two hands.

Lift and Separate. A soft penis has a lot more give to it. One way to provide stimulation is not to just rub or stroke it, but to actually move the different parts around. With one hand make a kind of ring shape with your thumb and forefinger and wrap that right around the scrotum. While holding onto the penis with your other hand, gently tug downwards, away from the shaft of the penis. And again gently, bring both hands away from your partner's body so you are pulling their penis away and apart.

Perineum. Extend your reach to include the perineum, which is the area between the scrotum and the anus. This is a highly responsive area for most people. You can run your fingers up and down the area, you can use your fingertips to tap, you can also massage the area. In fact, pushing firmly up into the body is a way of providing external prostate stimulation.

You ideally want to use some type of lubrication if you are using a more active stimulation. It is a matter of finding out what your partner enjoys.

Our bodies are capable of producing and receiving stimulation in countless ways. For you to receive pleasure do you need your partner to have an erection? Most likely not. He doesn't either to receive pleasure. You can both give and receive pleasure in as many ways as your imaginations can take you (or a book etc). But what you do need to be, is open to being present with a soft penis and not be stuck in the age old belief that to feel good, or make someone else feel good, you need an erection.

Stop and think for a moment? What turns you on? What stimulates your arousal? An erection or even a penis? For some the answer will be yes. For most the answer is probably no. So, with or without an erection, any penis owner can turn you on and make you feel good. And with or without an erection, you can take him to places of sweet ecstasy and bliss.

A lovely quote by Osho ~

' If you can go on growing in this intimacy, which is no more excitement, then joy will arise: first excitement, then love, then joy. Joy is the ultimate product, the fulfilment. Excitement is just a beginning, a triggering; it is not the end. And those who finish at excitement will never know what love is, will never know the mystery of love, will never come to know the joy of love. They will know sensations, excitement, passionate fever, but they will never know the grace that is love. They will never know how beautiful it is to be with a person with no excitement but with silence, with no words, with no effort to do anything. Just being together, sharing one space, one being, sharing each other, not thinking of what to do, what to say, where to go, how to enjoy; all those things are gone. The storm is over and there is silence. And it is not that you will not make love but it will not be a making really; it will be love happening. It will happen out of grace, out of silence, out of rhythm; it will arise from your depths, it will not be bodily really. There is a sex which is spiritual, which has nothing to do with the body. Although the body partakes in it, participates in it, it is not the source of it. Then sex takes on the colour of Tantra, only then'.

There is a beautiful book 'The Heart of Tantric Sex' by Diana Richardson, and in it she share various ways of exploring soft penetration. It definitely is worth the read (for every other page as well)

The attached photo is of a Shivalingum prayer/puja (representing a penis rising out of a vagina)

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