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  • Karen O'Moore

To orgasm or not to orgasm, that is the question



Ok, so I fibbed a little. We are not talking about orgasm (hell those are always good!), but rather ejaculation. Such a hot topic of interest, focus and conversation that it should be right up there in the 10 commandments - but which way would it sway?

Let's just clear up one very important issue. Orgasm and ejaculation are two very different events. We are just used to them happening simultaneously.

One of the first associations that people have of Tantra, is that love-making lasts forever and men do not ejaculate (this could have been helped along with Sting and his story of 8 hours of sex. I think he might have neglected to mention that at least 4 hours of that was him begging). While semen retention (Bramacharya) is true in classical Tantra and Taoist Tantra, there is much more to this than not ejaculating. The focus becomes about guiding the sexual energy into a full body orgasm rather than just a quick release.

Before we look at both options, what does happen in a 'regular' ejaculation? Sexual energy is built up on arousal, but this is not happening in a relaxed, open body state but within a lot of muscular contraction. As the energy begins to build, the body tenses - almost as if it is resisting the sexual energy. It builds and builds, staying in the pelvis until it cannot contain the pressure anymore and it is released in a whoosh. Then it's time to roll over and go to sleep (this is because when you ejaculate, you release a significant amount of energy including chemicals prolactin, vasopressin and oxytocin, all of which cause sleepiness). The body gets addicted to the continuous tension and release and it starts becoming harder (no pun intended) to get turned on. This results in more friction (less sensitivity), porn (unrealistic expectation & pressures) or beginning to look at sowing seed further afield.

So, to ejaculate or not? Unlike many Tantric practitioners, I do believe it is important for men to ejaculate on a regular basis. This contributes to prostate health and keeps the system flowing. For me it is more about getting to know your body more and connect to your sexual energy in a new way, reaching to a point where you consciously choose when and if you want to ejaculate. No, I am not talking Merlin stuff here.

For me, Tantra is about being present. Experiencing what is happening in your body in each moment. Not reaching for a possible future event which may or may not arrive, because in that we lose out on so much pleasure. The journey is so much more powerful than the fleeting pleasure of ejaculation, which although might leave you calm, there is also a part that bemoans that it is all over. Who wouldn't rather choose hours of pleasure and multiple orgasms (yes, men can have those too) over a few seconds of the release of ejaculation?

For many men though it just seems to be too much of a fairytale as they battle more with the monster of premature ejaculation to ever think that hours of pleasure is even possible. Much of this struggle is psychological and the tension in the body because of it, means he is halfway to ejaculation before arousal has even started. We are also not taught how to have sex, so right from the beginning it is all about relentless pumping which is hardly helpful to delaying ejaculation.

Here is what to do. Begin to become more aware of your sexual energy and your body. Slow your movements down, getting to know when your energy is beginning to peak and relax into it, play with the wave rather than force it forward. Breathe deeply, consciously relaxing your entire pelvic area, groin and anus. You cannot force multiple orgasms - this is the antithesis of Tantra. Rather you must surrender to it, allow your body to open more, creating space for more energy and for the energy to flow through your body. Take your time. Enjoy your partners body. The focus is not on the ejaculation. The focus is on being present with each other.

Our sexual energy is precious treasure. It is our life force, that of creation and when we surrender to it and allow it move through the body instead of releasing it, our levels of vitality build up. As our energy builds, we can also raise our levels of consciousness. Sexual energy is the spark.. no, it's the flame, that can transform our lives.

So to wrap up, what does modern science say about health and ejaculation. As with many studies, one says ejaculation is important, only to be refuted by the next one. It seems that no one really knows. Except you. You know your body and getting to know it even more intimately means you will be able to play with your energy more. Moving away from the addiction of ejaculation and becoming aware of how your body feels after you ejaculate and then when you have chosen to not ejaculate. In this way you will get to know how often ejaculation is good for you.

Experiencing your sexual energy in new ways and exploring ways of challenging yourself take you on the journey of the amazing sex and orgasms you have been wanting for yourself.

And that is the answer.

#tantricorgasm #ejaculation

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