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  • Writer's pictureKaren O'Moore

Once upon a time.. The stories we tell ourselves

A few weekends ago I went to spend some time with one of my teachers, Dawn Cartwright, at a workshop in Amsterdam (I fell head over heels for this alluring city), and there was a sweet moment that caused me to begin looking truthfully at a story I have been carrying. I have been celibate for a while now and this has been something I have held onto and quite honestly, it began getting pretty darn comfortable. It was what I did (much to the amazement of others considering my Oh, I could give you reasons - wanting to explore my own energy on a deeper level, not wanting to 'mix' my energy with another, etc etc etc. But, on that weekend, I saw it for what it was. An evasion of the truth. There was no religious or spiritual reasoning behind it. No vow. Simply, it had become my armour, my way of keeping my heart safe. My celibacy kept others away from me. And this story, held many of its own stories. Mistrust, doubting my intuition, insecurities. For so long I held on and nurtured, something that was not only just a story, but a story that was not good for me. So I let it go. I let all of them go.

What stories do you tell yourself? Are you open to asking questions about the stories you tell yourself? Challenging yourself to look truthfully at them?

We all make up these remarkable stories. Every day. A friend doesn't reply to a text, a partner is late, our boss calls us into a meeting... and instantly we start filling in the blanks, creating riveting scripts. Not only are these stories inaccurate, they are destructive. How many relationships suffer from false assumptions and unnecessary guessing games. How many amazing opportunities do we miss out on because we say ' I am too old to change, to make a difference, to try something new'. Stories seduce us, let us off the hook and take us right back into our comfort zone. Life does not happen in that comfort zone!

The devastating novels of 'not being good enough, life will always be hard, this is what I deserve', that spiral and grab hold of people pulling them down into their words. These narratives that are so well designed and landscaped in the make believe world, taking away from all the possibilities of living and loving this life.

We are the stories we tell ourselves. Are we? Not really. They are just stories. They can be powerful but they are simply words and thoughts and it is our choice what we do with them. There are some stories/roles we play that are there for certain times in our lives - I was a magazine publisher but I am no more, I was a wife but I am no more. They come and go. And it is about looking at them and seeing which are true and which are good for you; which are make believe and handy to hide behind but time to let go.

The most powerful stories we will ever tell are the ones we tell ourselves (even when we are talking about another person, we are saying more about ourselves than them). So what are you telling yourself and what are you creating for yourself? What are you allowing to take root within you. A story that is giving you confidence and resonates with your essence? Are there stories that need to be changed or simply ended and let go?

We are not our stories. They can be changed. In every moment. Keep choosing you.

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