Many times the topic of my blogs are what I am experiencing/exploring in my own life. This is one of those. Becoming aware of the changes in my body when I trust. And that involves trusting myself first and then trust with the person I am with.
Sexuality and connection invites union with self and another and this connection involves the whole body. Our nervous system activates our sense organs - sight, sound, smell, taste and touch (the five 'sense doors'), and these are continually providing awareness of the constant changing relationship of the body to itself and to its environment. The more we trust ourselves, our bodies and those we are with, the more connected we are to these senses and the choices we have about our sexual actions and interactions. To fully experience that trust, we need to explore our 'yes' and 'no', of opening and closing and open communication and expression.
When we move into that space of trust, our hearts and bodies begin to open and there is a subtle sense of warmth, expansion, sweetness and aliveness. Our bodies are softer, our breathing deeper and we feel loved and connected. In finding the space to surrender and trust, a different quality of connection and sexual experience emerges and frees you to experience depths of pleasure and sensation.
Our whole culture at times can seem like it is based on fear and shame. On a daily basis we are bombarded with information on what our body/relationship/life/sexuality should look like and how we should be experiencing each. Many people live in fear of lack, or being hurt and feeling vulnerable. And how much of that are we loading onto ourselves? When we begin to look at distrust from a different angle and find a resource within ourselves, we begin to open up more. Beginning to look at others in a gentler, more softer way, knowing that we are all trying our best and for the most part, no one is intentionally trying to hurt another - they are simply being who they are in that moment. Then, when you are comfortable with your 'yes/no' and you can drop your previous ideas of 'right or wrong, black or white thinking', you are free to choose the spaces that align with you and begin to let go. When we can become resourced from the inside and open your hearts and bodies, we can begin to trust more. When we trust more, we can experience more flow in our lives.
It is in this opening that we explore a deeper intimacy with our sexual experiences. In a space of trusting ourselves, we move into deep full body orgasm (which is usually substantially more pleasurable than genital orgasm), spreading throughout the entire body and many times includes shaking or shuddering and ejaculation in women and rare ejaculation in men. Trust takes you our if your mind and into your body, away from seeking the mind blowing orgasmic experience which is counter intuitive.
It is in this opening that we begin to breathe a little deeper. When we are closed up and in our heads, we have a natural tendency to hold our breath on each inhale and exhale (both while self pleasuring and with a partner). In trusting, we relax and the breath becomes continuous and our bodies begin to move with our breathing. When we breath slow, full and deep, we move slower and more consciously. In a deeper breath, we relax more and our muscles move rhythmically and we move away from the natural urge of being tense in pleasure. We move into a space of being present, sensing what is happening in our bodies and feeling our emotions. noticing how it changes and shifts from one moment to the next, riding the wave higher and higher, like a surfer on the biggest and best ride of a lifetime. Staying present, not wandering off in our mind, not moving into a space of 'doing' or what is going to happen (or not happen) next. Staying 'in the zone'. Always keeping that presence and connection, and finding ourselves opening up even further. Enjoy the pleasure.