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  • Writer's pictureKaren O'Moore

Let's talk sex

Sex is pretty much everywhere. It is a huge part of our lives; simultaneously the cause of much angst, and pleasure. We love it. From the great orgasms and feelings it gives, to providing great laughs with friends when we regale with our embarrassing tales. Yet, a straight, down the line conversation with a prospective lover or long term partner about sex, has us squirming in our seats. Even our 'conversations' with ourselves around sex is littered with judgment, fear and misunderstanding.

I am not here to talk about the whys of our lack of communication around sex, but rather just to get us all doing more of it. There are some topics of conversation that make a relationship (even a fleeting one) stronger, and right up there, is sex. It is one of the first conversations you need to be having when you meet a new lover/partner, as safe sex needs to be laid out on the table (this is serious folks - a simple ''This is what I do for birth control / these are my standards for safe sex''). I am often heard saying, if you cannot talk about sex (esp safe sex), then you shouldn't be having it. And from there being about to talk to your partner about your wants, needs, desires. Sex is powerful. Deeply & profoundly powerful. It can make or break our relationship. So, let's get talking.

In order to feel safe & supported in your endeavour to be more open about your sexuality, you need to have a safe space. By that I mean that both partners are simply there for each other, no judgement, no accusations. When you have this space, this sanctuary, clear lines of communication begin to open up between you, establishing mutual trust, moving beyond resistances. Here is where the sharing of experiences, expectations, fears, needs, and fantasies come out to play, bringing trust and intimacy with each other.

We need to know what our partners limits/boundaries are; and this is a continuous conversation as these are fluid. But they are there and enormously important and always need to be respected. These limits/boundaries will give you both so much freedom! You are also wanting to know if you partner feels if they are in a rut sexually and many times this happens simply because we don't know what the 'norm' is. We might have perceptions of everyone else having so much more sex than ourselves, when that may not be the reality. Many times we might not realise that our partners have fears around sex (premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm etc) and often if we talk about them, we find we share the same fears (lack of connection, body image etc). And so juicy, is talking about what turns us on. How we like to be touched, made love to, sharing the secrets of our bodies.

And these conversations can be help in a fun, light hearted way. This exploring of each other's minds. How delicious is that? No judgement or sarcasm but this opening up to each other, talking about something that has the potential to give you both infinite pleasure.

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